


Bad Days

by TheForestFicRuinedMyLife



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: And sleep-deprived, Angst, Author is dying inside:), Bryden?, Bryllon?, I was trying to write hurt/comfort, Just angst, M/M, No Plot, Other, Ryllon?, Sad, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, What Happened?, i don’t know lol, what’s this ship called?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27280558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheForestFicRuinedMyLife/pseuds/TheForestFicRuinedMyLife
Summary: Ryan’s bad days were dangerous.They all knew that from experience.
Relationships: Brendon Urie/Dallon Weekes, Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie/Dallon Weekes, Ryan Ross/Dallon Weekes
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Bad Days

**Author's Note:**

> So, uhh-
> 
> I guess this is what happens when I attempt to fight my years-long writer’s block?
> 
> I was trying to write hurt/comfort, what happened?
> 
> Don’t ask for an explanation, I don’t have one
> 
> Also, unedited, because I am lazy and tired :)

Ryan’s bad days were dangerous. 

Brendon was sad when Ryan had bad days. Brendon was sad, that one of the most important people, heck, most loved people in his life, were suffering.  
Maybe he was a little mad too. Maybe he was a bit angry with the world, that it dared take someone as beautiful, as lovable, but as fragile as Ryan, and give him the biggest pile of of hurt possible.  
Maybe he thought it was unfair, that his love was in pain, was hurt, was suffering somewhere deep inside, where he let nobody in, where he let nobody help him. And Brendon wasn’t even sure, that he was able to help him if he tried.  
Maybe he was a bit frustrated too. A bit frustrated at Ryan for shutting everyone out and hiding somewhere deep in his mind where he couldn’t be helped, couldn’t be saved. But Brendon was probably most frustrated at himself. For not trying hard enough, for not being able to help, for not being able. That, was truly a frustrating feeling.  
All of those overwhelming emotions combined, and Brendon was having a bad day as well. He knew that Ryan hated it when his bad days affected other people too, but he couldn’t help it.  
He really couldn’t.  
He had tried.

Dallon was scared when Ryan had bad days. He was scared, because he knew exactly what Ryan Ross was capable of doing to himself. He had seen it up close before. And he had no intention of ever, ever letting it happen again. He would do anything he possibly could to stop that.  
Dallon was sad too. He looked at his love, HIS love, and saw a pain so deep, so constant, in the younger mans eyes. He would do anything to make that pain go away. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t...  
Maybe he felt helpless too. Maybe, he felt like he was of absolutely no use. Really, if he couldn’t even make his own star feel better, then what could he possibly do. Clearly nothing.  
Clearly not enough.  
Clearly never enough.  
And so, Dallon was having a bad day as well.

And Ryan? Well, Ryan could feel if a day was going to be bad the second he woke up. The nightmares he would often have before waking up was a pretty clear sign. Even if he didn’t have the nightmares ~~memories~~ , the feeling of dread, the feeling of hurt, the feeling that everything he did was wrong, was also a giveaway. Ryan knew, of course Ryan knew, that the ways he dealt with this hurt weren’t good. Not for him, not for his boyfriends, not for his friends, not for anyone. But he didn’t do it because it would be good for him. He did it to protect someone, sometimes himself, but most often the people around him.  
When he hid within the safety of his mind, it wasn’t to shut his loved ones out. It was more to trap himself inside, far away from where he could hurt them. ‘Cause he would them.  
Right?  
Then there was the other kind of coping Ryan did. The selfish one. The one he knew would cause his boyfriends so much pain, but the one that he did anyways. Because he was selfish. Because he deserved it. The other kind was dangerous in a different way. The other type caused him to draw blood on his scarred skin, to put out his damned cigarettes on his own wrists, to boil water simply to pour it on himself. The other kind was physical. The other kind was dangerous. The other kind made his boyfriends cry and his doctors gasp.

The other made him feel so, so much better.

Brendon and Dallon would do anything to look after their baby when he had a bad day.  
But they couldn’t always.  
And that was dangerous as well. 

Ryan’s bad days were dangerous.

They all knew that from experience.

**Author's Note:**

> I really don’t know what this is
> 
> Maybe next time, I will actually be able to write hurt/comfort or fluff


End file.
